


the world will know

by little_alien_duck, snaredrum



Series: harder better faster stronger [5]
Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: after several fics full of dunking on duncan he finally gets the spotlight, duncan taking matters into his own hands, netflix canon compliant, not ship, violet snicket has been implied confirmed and come to terms with, weird uncle lemony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-03-13 11:20:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18939898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_alien_duck/pseuds/little_alien_duck, https://archiveofourown.org/users/snaredrum/pseuds/snaredrum
Summary: Duncan Quagmire and The Daily Punctilio have never seen eye to eye in terms of journalistic integrity, but as they were the only newspaper in town he didn't have many options. But when they decide to run yet another libelous article against Lemony Snicket, he's had enough.So, of course, there's only one thing to do.





	1. flip the page and turn the scene

**Author's Note:**

> first things first: we're so sorry this took so long. we had finals at school and not a lot of time for writing, but we're still very dedicated to this series. 
> 
> the fic title comes from the song of the same name from newsies, and the chapter title comes from dancing choose by tv on the radio. 
> 
> if you haven't read the other fics in this series, that's fine! for returning readers, this takes place after souls cannot be fooled, at a point where lemony and violet have both come to terms with their relationship with one another. for new readers: beatrice is almost eleven, and violet learned she was lemony's biological daughter.

“Duncan! Wait!”

Duncan was ripped from his thoughts as he heard a voice shout his name. He paused in his march, turning around to see a figure in a bright red coat running toward him. 

“Flavia? What are you doing?”

“You’re starting your own newspaper, right?” she asked in a huff. Her cheeks were flushed from the running and the cold, but her smile lit up her face and her eyes gleamed. “I want in.”

He shifted his weight. “You know...there’s no guarantee that this will work. It could all blow up in our faces.”

Flavia barked out a laugh. “Like  _ The Daily Punctilio _ wasn’t doing that already. I wrote an article about feathered dinosaurs last month – they refused to run it because it wasn’t ‘cool’ enough.” She drew sharp air quotes.

Duncan looked at her for a moment, trying to decide whether or not she was telling the truth. 

“Are you sure about this?” 

“Yeah, who cares about that rag anyway? They said they were going bankrupt and then they didn’t. They can’t even get the facts right about their own business.”

Duncan’s face broke into a smile. It was nice to have people on your side when you were venturing into the unknown.

_ The Daily Punctilio  _ was not an outstanding source of journalism. This was a widely known fact. However, they were able to get away with their mediocrity as they were the only newspaper in the city. 

But Duncan, and apparently science columnist Flavia Bradley, had had enough. 

It had started because it was the thirteenth anniversary (odd choice of year for a retrospective, but when had they ever cared about making sense) of the Baudelaire fire, and  _ The Daily Punctilio  _ was running yet another article which blamed Lemony Snicket, who Duncan knew was currently binge watching  _ Battlestar Galactica  _ with Beatrice. The article was running despite Duncan’s insistence that they were blaming an innocent man.

So Duncan had shouted some choice words at the editor in chief, things like “I’m quitting” and “I’m going to start my own newspaper that’ll put yours to journalistic shame.” Or something like that. Duncan wasn’t entirely sure, the whole thing had felt very out of character and he was still coming down off the adrenaline high.

It was exhilarating, but now he and Flavia were standing on the sidewalk, looking a bit lost. 

“So where do we go from here?” Flavia looked at Duncan expectantly, like he might actually know what he was doing. 

There was a half formed idea in Duncan’s head and if he didn’t think about it too much, it might even be a good one. 

“Now we go talk to Lemony Snicket and get the real story.” 

Flavia scoffed. “And how do you intend to find him?”

Duncan smiled and continued walking. “I have my ways.”

 

***

 

Duncan had remained cryptic as he and Flavia walked, just letting her know that they were going back to his house and reassuring her that he did indeed have a plan. She had decided to trust him, and now eyed him as he unlocked the door and invited her inside.

They stepped into the living room, where Violet was lying on the couch with a book. “Hey Junior,” Duncan greeted.

Violet put the book down on her chest and closed her eyes, sighing in exasperation. “I’m not responding to that.”

Duncan smiled, stepping aside to reveal Flavia. “I brought a friend from work. Or well, what used to be work – it’s a long story. Anyway, Flavia Bradley, meet Violet Baudelaire. Violet Baudelaire, meet Flavia Bradley.”

Opening her eyes, Violet jerked into an upright position and said “Brought a friend? From what  _ used _ to be work?” at the same time that Flavia spun around to look at Duncan and said “Violet  _ Baudelaire _ ?” 

Duncan stepped back a little and held up his hands, palms forward, in a placating gesture. “I’ll explain everything, I promise. But first, Violet, can you explain our whole…” he looked up at the ceiling, as if looking for the words, “...familial dynamic to Flavia?”

Violet narrowed her eyes. “How much? And what are you doing in the meantime?”

“Just the basics! And I’ve got to go get Senior, Junior. Is he still watching TV with Bea?”

Violet rolled her eyes at the nickname and swung her legs around to sit regularly. “You know he is. They haven’t moved all day.”

“Thank you so much! You’re the best!” he beamed before dashing out of the room and up the stairs. 

Flavia furrowed her brow, looking at Violet. “You didn’t agree to explain, though.”

For the first time since Flavia had walked in, Violet smiled. “He knew I would anyway. Sorry for any abrasiveness on my part; it’s nothing against you, it’s just that Duncan insulted me as soon as he walked through the door.” Despite her words, there was still a definite degree of wariness in her eyes.

Flavia decided not to question it. 

“So, you’re Violet Baudelaire?” It was supposed to be polite, really – just a way of continuing the conversation. But because of the topic of today’s  _ Punctilio _ scuffle, she couldn’t help but place a little too much emphasis on the surname.

Violet’s demeanor shifted back from polite to cold as her gaze hardened. “And you’re Flavia Bradley? I apologize, the name doesn’t ring a bell.”

Flavia had to hold herself back from wincing. Okay, yeah, maybe that wasn’t the best display of courtesy, especially considering what she knew of the Baudelaires.

Violet relaxed again. She still held some tension in her shoulders, but she was no longer openly hostile, and waved for Flavia to sit next to her on the couch. “How much about us did Duncan explain?”

Flavia was close to tonal whiplash. She noted that Violet didn’t ask her any more questions about who she was; her trust in Duncan was evident.

“Absolutely nothing. I didn’t even know you would be here.”

“Figures. I didn’t know you would be here, either; we don’t usually bring people over unannounced.” The last part was quieter and held more than a touch of bitterness – Flavia got the feeling it wasn’t meant for her to hear. “Okay.” Violet took a deep breath, then launched in, her words a controlled rush. “I live here with my siblings, Klaus and Sunny, and the Quagmire triplets: Isadora, Quigley, and of course you know Duncan.”

“Are you related in any way?” Flavia interjected.

“Not biologically. We are the guardians of a girl named Beatrice; Klaus, Sunny, and I have raised her since her birth.”

“Are you related to her?” Flavia wanted to ask about what happened to Beatrice’s own parents, but figured she’d already made one blunder in this conversation, she didn’t need to add another. 

“Not biologic-” Violet cut herself off as her face scrunched up, as if reconsidering her words. “It’s irrelevant,” is what she decided on after a pause. 

“Okay,” Flavia said, more in an attempt to buy herself some time to keep all these names straight in her head before Violet could continue than anything else.

“Beatrice’s uncle lives with us as well, a man named –”

Just then Duncan reappeared in the doorway, accompanied by a young girl with sharp, dark eyes, and a tall broad-shouldered man in a nice (if rumpled) suit. 

The tall man nodded at Flavia. “Ms. Bradley. Duncan spoke highly of you just now; I am pleased to make your acquaintance.” His somber face and deep monotone were in a strong contrast to the ecstatic young girl standing beside him. He turned his head to nod at Violet as well with the barest twitch of a smile at the corner of his mouth. “Lemony.” 

Violet heaved a deep, long-suffering sigh. “A man named Lemony Snicket, after whom I was almost named and  _ no one will let me forget it _ .”

Flavia’s jaw dropped in a dishearteningly cliche way as she jumped up from her seat. She looked at Lemony, whose face remained as impassive as ever, to Duncan, who was beaming brighter than the sun with pride and excitement, then back to Lemony, then back once more to Duncan. “ _ Lemony Snicket _ is your  _ roommate _ ?” 

Before Duncan could respond, the young girl, who seemed oblivious to Flavia’s surprise and disbelief, ran up to Flavia and shook her hand, nearly jumping up and down in her excitement to introduce herself. “Hi! I’m Beatrice – did Junior tell you about me?”

Violet stood up from the couch, her expression torn between a withering glare at the nickname and a barely held back smile at her ward’s enthusiasm. “I need allies. Where are Klaus and Sunny?”

Violet stalked off without another word, only to return a moment later with a man who had his nose buried in a book and a girl who looked to be just older than Beatrice. 

Violet introduced them as her siblings, and as if that wasn’t enough to keep track of, two more people walked in and one of them looked exactly like Duncan. 

“Duncan, what is going on?” both Flavia and the woman Flavia could only assume was Isadora said at the same time. 

“What’s going on is that  _ The Daily Punctilio  _ is going to publish lies-”

“Which they always do,” Klaus grumbled.

“And this time they’ve gone too far. They’re publishing misinformation about Lemony, but I have an idea about how to fix this situation.”

Duncan paused, looking around to see how the others would react. Once he had made sure they were suitably intrigued, he continued. 

“We,” he indicated himself and Flavia, “are going to start our own newspaper and we are going to report the facts of the case.” He pointed to Lemony. “And  _ you _ are going to help us do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we've got good news and bad news.
> 
> the bad news is, LAD is going to be working at a summer camp with no computer access for the majority of the summer, so we might not have much posted in the next few months. we assure you though, we won't be abandoning this series, we love it way too much.
> 
> the good news is: we are now dating! 
> 
> also HUGE shoutout to anyone who recognizes who flavia bradley is uhhh HEAVILY based on
> 
> \- snaredrum, little_alien_duck


	2. right thoughts right words right action

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we ain't dead yet!
> 
> chapter title comes from right action by franz ferdinand.

“Oh, I am not sure about that, I’m not very good at being helpful,” Lemony protested.

“Come on Lemony, it won’t be hard, Flavia and I are going to start our own newspaper and we’re gonna publish the truth about you and how you’re not guilty,” Duncan argued back. 

“That’s your plan?” Flavia spoke up, sounding more than a little skeptical. 

“Excuse me, did you not know what his plan was before you quit your job?” Violet asked, one eyebrow raised. 

Lemony spoke up before Flavia could respond (“ _ thank god _ ,” she thought). “I’m not sure that would be prudent, Duncan. I’d rather allow the public time to forget all about me.”

“But that’s not going to happen!  _ The Daily Punctilio _ is going to run their story regardless of what we do!”

“Come on, Uncle Lemony. Don’t you want to be able to leave the house? We’re almost out of  _ Battlestar Galactica _ episodes,” Bea said. There was a look of genuine pleading on her face. 

“Children, you must understand, I have been on the lamb for over two decades. I’m accustomed to this way of life.”

The room broke out into two major sentiments. The first, argued by Violet and Isadora, was, “We’re literally fully grown adults now.” The second, argued by everybody else was, “Yes, exactly, that’s the problem.”

Lemony just sighed. It was looking like he was not going to win this argument.

“Please, Uncle Lemony?” Beatrice was giving him  _ that look _ , the one that she always knew worked and Lemony knew he was sunk. 

“Fine.” 

 

***

“Come on Lemony, we’re going to the library,” Duncan said triumphantly, leading the way down the hall. Flavia followed because she was unsure of what else she would do in this house that didn’t seem to make much sense. 

When they got to the library Duncan sat down at the table pulled out his notebook and said, “Start from the beginning, Mr. Snicket.” 

Lemony could talk for a long time. And he did. He talked so long that lunchtime came and went without any of them noticing. Shadows lengthened outside the window as Duncan asked yet another question, Flavia interjected when she needed clarification. 

This was going to be a long piece. 

Flavia didn’t realize just how late it had gotten until Klaus appeared in the doorway and asked, without looking up from  _ My Antonia _ , if she had any dietary restrictions because Sunny was making dinner. 

“Oh my god, I didn’t realize I’d been here for so long,” Flavia said, jumping out of her chair. “I should probably leave.” 

“You can stay, really, Sunny likes cooking and we don’t, uh, well we don’t have visitors very often,” Duncan said, fidgeting with his pen.

“As long as you’re sure it wouldn’t be an intrusion.” She turned back to Klaus. “Tell Sunny I’m fine with anything, and don’t have any restrictions.”

Klaus left, nodding without lifting his eyes from the pages.  

Flavia looked at Duncan. “He seems elated.”

Duncan waved a hand. “Eh, he’s always like that when he’s in the middle of a book. And he’s just about always in the middle of a book, so…”

“Duncan?”

“Yeah?”

“Your house is weird.” 

 

***

 

Flavia ended up staying the night in one of the unused bedrooms in the house. By the time Duncan put away his notebook, it seemed silly to leave. 

She woke up early – early mornings in college had irreparably broken her internal clock. For lack of anything else to do, she went to the kitchen, hoping that maybe someone else would be there and she could bum some breakfast. 

Beatrice was sitting at the table, but froze the second it sounded like someone was coming. She angled her body in such a way that she was hiding what sat in front of her. 

“Oh, it’s just you.” Beatrice visibly relaxed when she saw it was Flavia. “I thought you might be Sunny. She’d never let me eat this when she could make a real breakfast.” Flavia could finally see what Beatrice had been hiding and nearly burst out laughing when she realized it was a box of Krave cereal. “I keep it hidden in my room. You can have some if you want.”

Flavia shrugged with a smile. “I wouldn’t say no. Thank you very much,” she said as Beatrice poured her a bowl.

She barely had time to begin eating before Beatrice spoke up again. “Did Duncan tell you where he went?”

“What? I didn’t even know he was out.”

Beatrice flitted her hands about in a gesture Flavia was just able to recognize as one of confusion. Flecks of milk flew off the spoon. “Yeah, he left really early this morning. I’m usually the first one up – I like getting an early start, you know, see the sunrise and all that – but today he was down only a few minutes after me. He didn’t say where he was going, but he seemed really excited.”

By the time Duncan returned, most of the rest of the household was awake and Flavia and Beatrice were bonding in a way that was a little worrisome. They seemed like they were about two steps removed from committing fraud or pulling an art heist. Probably both. 

Duncan didn’t talk to any of them, just marched straight to the basement with Larry and Jacquelyn on his heels. For the better part of the morning, without any explanation at all, the three of them made trips from the front door with odd bundles in their arms to the basement and back again. 

It wasn’t until they were sitting down for lunch that Duncan triumphantly called, “it’s finished!” to the kitchen. 

Quigley rocked back in his chair. “And what is ‘it’ exactly, my dear brother?”

“Just come down here and see it asshole!”

_ It  _ turned out to be a newspaper printing press that Duncan had installed in their basement. 

It was huge, easily taking up most of the basement and impossible to easily remove. There was no talking Duncan out of this one. 

“Okay so I stayed up all last night writing the article, I just need to finish setting the type - that’s what Larry and Jacquelyn are helping me do now - and then, uh, sell some papers,” he explained when they had all gathered around to look. 

“Duncan, this is...actually really incredible. I’m impressed,” Flavia said, stepping closer to examine the machine from all angles.

“Thank you very much. We’ve got to be professionals here, after all.”

“Duncan Quagmire,” she began, turning on her heel and sticking out her hand, “I am happy to venture further with you.” He smiled and shook her hand in one big up and down motion. 

Duncan saw movement out of the corner of his eye and spoke up before Bea could reach the stairs. “Now, if you could all help me set the type…”

He expected groans, a couple at least. But instead his family just smiled and walked over to the machine and asked Larry and Jacquelyn for instructions.

 

***

 

Lemony was the last one in the basement. He stayed long after the others had left, staring at the machine in wonder, like each time he opened his eyes it was something new. It was a mostly unimpressive machine that had already spilled ink on the ground and apparently made a hell of a lot of noise. 

But it would give him something he hadn’t had in years, the ability to walk around outside and not have to look over his shoulder. His life had never been a normal one, but here in this house with his odd, made up family, he might get close. 

Tomorrow was Monday. He could be the one to pick Sunny and Beatrice from school. 

The rest of the house slowly drifted off to sleep, and Lemony smiled.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dear GOD this chapter took it out of us. sorry for how long it took, at first it was because LAD was working at a camp, and then snaredrum was working at a different camp, and then we realized we didn't really know where we wanted the story to go. so if this feels rushed, that is why, and we apologize.
> 
> i (snaredrum) asked LAD what we should name this chapter and she said, very earnestly, "uh, somethin, words or whatever?"
> 
> \- snaredrum, little_alien_duck

**Author's Note:**

> we've got good news and bad news.
> 
> the bad news is, LAD is going to be working at a summer camp with no computer access for the majority of the summer, so we might not have much posted in the next few months. we assure you though, we won't be abandoning this series, we love it way too much.
> 
> the good news is: we are now dating! 
> 
> also HUGE shoutout to anyone who recognizes who flavia bradley is uhhh HEAVILY based on
> 
> \- snaredrum, little_alien_duck


End file.
